In a move aimed at reminding people that things could be worse, Thannyros Tobba-Sharabil Tufayl, Chaplain at Islamophobia University USA announced the launch of a new campaign, the Muslim Settlement Initiative (MSI).  Tufayl, head of the campaign, stated that “the MSI was built on the success of the Muslim Leadership Initiative (MLI).  The MLI taught me that Muslims could be easily co-opted for other people’s ‘social justice causes,’ and so I would hate to see this momentum go to waste.  To that end, the MSI seeks to take the MLI one step further, by extending two week trips to lifetime occupation of Palestine.”

The campaign, which will launch on May 15th, 2015, will enable Muslims to purchase settlement homes at discounted rates. For those unable to pay the full amount for the cost of homes, scholarships will be available in exchange for promoting Muslim understandings of the Zionist narrative that members of the larger Muslim community have so clearly misunderstood.

Tufayl Thannyros Tobba-Sharabil, Assistant Chaplain at Islamophobia University USA, stated that “we couldn’t be more excited about the launch of the MSI.  We have even sent Muslim Americans to occupy indigenous reservations around the United States to prepare for their new lives.  There’s really nothing that can quite substitute for direct experience in oppressing others and we are confident that this training will help them succeed in perpetuating injustice while pretending to work for justice while defending injustice, while being perceived as just-something that really takes a lot of getting used to.”

In order to secure their permanent housing and retain their position as part of the “solution,” MSI participants will be required to undertake monthly assessments designed to measure sympathy towards the Zionist cause in addition to beating down Palestinians who show up to document abuses.

MSI Program Coordinator, Waheb Wabu Zeytun also expressed excitement about the program saying that, “since our MSI plans have launched, we have received hundreds of inquiries from ignorant Muslims who have all of a sudden awakened to their role in resolving the conflict in Israel-Palestine. What’s most striking, is that these individuals, who are negligible in really every sector of humanity and who have never even once been involved in this cause, have demonstrated their heart-warming commitment to fostering injustice.”

The first MSI cohort is to be composed of Muslim Americans whose occupations range from policy advocates to circus clowns. Collectively, this group will document their ongoing experiences in pursuing injustice at
http://www.framing-injustice-as-justice-is-no-small-task.org

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

The American Muslim Coalition on Post-Mortem Free Speech is excited to launch its #NoOneIsListeningCampaign on Monday, January 19th, 2015.  The Campaign represents an attempt to promote free speech at all costs, including the entire depletion of the Coalition’s funds to prove what no one will ever accept.  The campaign is also aimed at demonstrating to the world, that the coalition will focus its attention on presenting the #CharlieHebdo attacks in the most basic way possible so that no one will even think about those barbaric MOZLIMS that keep dying in other countries.

The Coalition’s President, Arif Anwar Altair, stated that “we are staunch defenders of free speech and we will continue to defend our position on this, no matter how irrelevant it becomes in the larger conversation.  Further, as coalition president, I support all measures aimed at demonstrating our position as such, including encouraging angry and disgruntled Muslims, to spray paint, ‘I love pork,’ on the outside of our most prominent Mosques.”

Vice President of the Coalition, Altair Anwar Arif, expressed similar sentiments, stating that “we are encouraging members of the Coalition to appear on as many radio shows as possible and to show the world that like the mainstream media, we can reduce complex issues into convenient soundbytes that will successfully alleviate the world’s citizens from actually thinking. We like to think that this is an underutilized method of encouraging free speech and that with enough practice, no one will really say anything intelligent or radical anyway.”

The Coalition’s Chairman was unavailable for comment, having passed away recently in the backlash against Muslims.  Before he passed, however, he was quoted as saying that “this campaign represents a culmination of all of our efforts to combat and perpetuate Islamophobia at the same time-which is no small feat.  Perhaps most emblematic of this campaign and where we arrived at this name for our coalition, is that that we will support free speech to our death, literally.”  To honor the Chairman and his legacy, his family and the coalition insisted that his tombstone, in addition to stating his name and lifespan, include #JeSuisCharlie.

After from a trip to Israel sponsored by the Sharon-Netanyahu-Hartman Foundation, delegates from the Muslim American Council for Participatory Oppression (MACPO) decided to launch a BDS campaign against Palestine.  Full details of the campaign will be released in the coming months and reflects the participants’ desire to reframe the narrative that has disenfranchised Zionist voices in the Israeli-Palestinian debate.

The President of MACPO, Shalom Ahmed Mohammed, expressing great enthusiasm about the newly formed campaign, stated that, “after delegation participants returned from their Zionist funded trip to Israel, they could no longer ignore the oppression that Palestinians have inflicted on Israelis.  Furthermore, despite trying to reason with those pesky terrorists, and in some cases pushing them down stairs, Palestinians demonstrated a complete inability to comprehend how their terroristic behavior was negatively impacting the Israeli psyche, thus forcing them to do things like returning home 15 minutes earlier from the club than they might have otherwise done.  This wanton oppression of Israelis by Palestinians is unacceptable and as MACPO president, I’m committed to ensuring that Palestinians are put in their place once and for all.”

Participants leading the campaign, include many hailed human rights activists who seek to leverage their commitment to justice to the cause of injustice.  As one participant stated, “the only way we can really understand oppression, is to participate in the oppression of others.  I’m grateful to MACPO for opening my eyes to this fact and leading me to pursue a campaign that I might not have otherwise seen the value in.”

Another individual who visited Israel in the delegation and who is leading the campaign in their home state of Illinois stated that, “I’m very hopeful about the impact this project can have.  After all, it has already brought together leading Islamophobes, Zionists, and Muslim ‘human rights’ advocates.  I’m not aware of any other campaign that has successfully brought these individuals together to systematically engage in a comprehensive campaign of oppression.  As they say, none of us is as strong as all of us and I hope this partnership will set the stage for interfaith oppression campaigns-a rarely explored, yet potentially powerful strategy to create unity among those most skilled in making life miserable for people of the global majority.”

The campaign is set to launch in early April and though progress is expected to be slow, the group is hopeful about making life worse for Palestinians and categorically rejecting their claims for any justice measures.  Moreover, the group is expected to initiate a comprehensive strategy for engaging Muslim sell-outs, both domestically and internationally, a strategy that has thus far been entirely successful.

MACPO is also organizing other initiatives such as a government sponsored Muslim delegation to Guantanamo, which seeks among other things to cultivate activists eager to promote the prison as necessary for housing terrorists, otherwise known as Muslims.