FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

The American Muslim Coalition on Post-Mortem Free Speech is excited to launch its #NoOneIsListeningCampaign on Monday, January 19th, 2015.  The Campaign represents an attempt to promote free speech at all costs, including the entire depletion of the Coalition’s funds to prove what no one will ever accept.  The campaign is also aimed at demonstrating to the world, that the coalition will focus its attention on presenting the #CharlieHebdo attacks in the most basic way possible so that no one will even think about those barbaric MOZLIMS that keep dying in other countries.

The Coalition’s President, Arif Anwar Altair, stated that “we are staunch defenders of free speech and we will continue to defend our position on this, no matter how irrelevant it becomes in the larger conversation.  Further, as coalition president, I support all measures aimed at demonstrating our position as such, including encouraging angry and disgruntled Muslims, to spray paint, ‘I love pork,’ on the outside of our most prominent Mosques.”

Vice President of the Coalition, Altair Anwar Arif, expressed similar sentiments, stating that “we are encouraging members of the Coalition to appear on as many radio shows as possible and to show the world that like the mainstream media, we can reduce complex issues into convenient soundbytes that will successfully alleviate the world’s citizens from actually thinking. We like to think that this is an underutilized method of encouraging free speech and that with enough practice, no one will really say anything intelligent or radical anyway.”

The Coalition’s Chairman was unavailable for comment, having passed away recently in the backlash against Muslims.  Before he passed, however, he was quoted as saying that “this campaign represents a culmination of all of our efforts to combat and perpetuate Islamophobia at the same time-which is no small feat.  Perhaps most emblematic of this campaign and where we arrived at this name for our coalition, is that that we will support free speech to our death, literally.”  To honor the Chairman and his legacy, his family and the coalition insisted that his tombstone, in addition to stating his name and lifespan, include #JeSuisCharlie.