Dear Beloved Muslim American Community,
We wanted to take a moment to highlight our position on getting seats at tables.  Before describing our position in words, we thought it best to illustrate with the picture below:

As the picture above demonstrates, many Muslim Americans are making great waves into the getting a seat at the table industry and what’s more, they are also getting fed some tasty bullshit.  We can’t ignore the impact this is having on the policies affecting our people the most, especially when it results in changes such as modifying the flavors of the tasty bullshit.

Now back to our position on seats at the table.  The Muslim American Coalition for Getting Seats at Any Tables (MACGSAT), strongly believes that to secure our seats, we must proactively work with law enforcement and other governmental agencies. While we recognize that some of you have been subject to profiling, police brutality, torture, indefinite detention, etc., we think this a small price to pay for getting that seat.

In sum, our policy is the following:  We will continue to work with law enforcement no matter what.  Like, for real, no matter what.  We need to equip the next generation of members of law enforcement with cultural sensitivity skills, so that anytime they enter a room to kill or torture someone, they take off their shoes first (its also helpful if they learn to communicate with future victims in their native tongue).  Note, that if you disagree with our position and try to criticize us, we will denounce you and your fitna causing ways.

Sincerely,
The Muslim American Coalition for Getting Seats at Any Tables (MACGSAT)

P.S. as this an end of the year email, we are offering a special gift to anyone who donates $50 or more to MACGSAT.  What we are offering is a portable chair with a small side table, which you can find here.   The chair will come in handy when an impromptu meeting with government officials arises and/or when you want to take a seat and watch police brutality and/or torture in action.  The side table is also useful for those times when you can’t find a table to sit at, and/or when you need a piece of furniture to compare the decor inside government buildings to.