The Muslim American Council for Incomprehensible Policy Decisions (MACIPD), is thrilled to announce the launch its new Perp of the Year Award. Short for perpetrator, this award will honor individuals in the community who have worked hard to make life miserable for Muslims and other people of color.
MACIPD President Dhul Fiqar Misbah Thabit, stated, “the launch of this award could not come at a better time. While other Muslims are constantly berating government officials for their ‘harsh,’ tactics, we wanted to take a step back and recognize their keen ability to identify the troublemakers in our community. We recognize that this is not an easy job when you’re looking for a needle in a mosque, which is really composed of other equally dangerous needles. We want to honor the individuals that make life for White Americans better.”
The nominees for this year’s Perp of the Year award included representatives from the CIA, DOJ, the NYPD, and the LAPD.
Speaking to the challenge of making the decision on who would receive the inaugural Perp of the Year award, Vice-President of MACIPD, Naji Najir Najjar, commented that, “this one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make in my career thus far. I mean, there are so many ongoing human rights issues in the country, and we want to make sure that our award adds as much insult to injury as possible. In light of current events, a police chief was our best option and demonstrates to the community, that well, we don’t really give a damn about their well-being.”
Other members of the award convening board were unavailable for comment as they were outside taping another instance of police brutality. However, one board member, who preferred to remain anonymous made it clear that witnessing this abuse would not have an effect on the decision to give the award to the NYPD police chief.
In addition to winning this prestigious award, the awardee will be given $10,000 to donate to a legal fund for a fellow perpetrator. As this year’s awardee, the NYPD’s police chief stated, “we must stand in solidarity with our fellow perpetrators and we hope you will too. We thank the MACIPD for finally realizing our contributions to society and our genuine desire to make life worse for the global majority. This means a lot to me and I am now confident in continuing this work because I have received the green light from MACIPD.”
After the award Ceremony, Thabit, president of MACIPD, was unavailable for comment as he was profiled and detained, for, well, being a Muslim. Oh yeah, and for trying to sell a piece of gum on the street after robbing a lemonade stand.