BREAKING NEWS: Muslim American Working Group Uncovers Factors Leading to Radicalization

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BREAKING NEWS:  In a concerted attempt to draw on existing research on the factors leading to radicalization, the Working Group, Muslim Americans Against Inherent Genetics (MAAIG), released the following diagram to help researchers and others working in the field, discover and combat the root causes of radicalization.

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Despite wide misunderstanding about the causal connections that the group was trying to draw, MAAIG representatives, maintain that this depiction of root causes will help them identify, in as clear a way as possible, how Muslims can best combat their inherent genetics that predispose them to wanton acts of violence.  In addition to the diagram, the MAAIG report lists a number of factors that Muslims in the Mosque as well as government officials should be aware of in determining an individual’s threat to the community.

List of Factors:

  1. Date of Birth
  2. Place of birth
  3. Having a foreign name
  4. Hair Color
  5. Height
  6. Being non-White
  7. Exhibiting the following personality types:  ISTJ, ISTP, ISFJ, ISFP, INFJ, INFP, INTJ, INTP
  8. Wearing cultural clothes or ethnic costumes in public
  9. Asking strange questions about others’ dietary habits
  10. Trying to Make Space in the space that’s been made
  11. Reading, anything
  12. Denying that extremism is a problem affecting 99.9% of the Muslim population
  13. Refusing to socialize with informants
  14. Scheduling one’s sleeping patterns around the five prayers
  15. Using cologne and/or perfume to cover up the smell of sweat
  16. Failing to repeat the following statement, “Islam means life, ISIS means death,” at least 99 times a day
  17. Actually knowing the historical context out of which ISIS evolved
  18. Sitting underneath tables
  19. Writing reports using tertiary data
  20. Eating gelatin from an unspecified source

Officials involved involved in the data analysis process through which these factors were uncovered, said that they used the following equation:  j=1n||zj(β̂ 0+β̂ 1wj)||2=j=1n(z¯j(β̂ 0¯+β̂ 1¯w¯j))(zj(β̂ 0+β̂ 1wj)).

MAAIG officials will be holding a press conference in early December to release their findings of the report titled, “Catch all of us if you can.”

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