The National Council of Muslims for Somewhat Respectable Research (NCMSRR), released a new evaluation rubric for evaluating reports published by national Muslim American organizations.

“For too long our community has been unable to produce data on any of the problems plaguing our community.  We hope that this evaluation rubric will help the Muslim American community move from non-existent research to s***t research, said Harb Abu-Harb, President of NCMSRR.  “After all, anything more, would be asking too much,” he said.

Putting out a call to all Muslim American organizations offering pro-bono evaluation services, the group sent out letters with the following rubric by which their reports would be scored:

(1)-You’re getting there, but not really.  Do you know what data collection is?
(2)-This is really starting to go down hill.  Might want to call in the Research National Guard
(3)-Did you really write this without laughing?  Or wait, this must have been a joke, right?
(4)-Retract publication immediately or any future job prospects will be on the line.  Also, consider taking our training course called, “Research by dummies, for dummies:  Experiences from the field.”
(5)-Nothing new.  For real, nothing new.  Why did you waste your time producing a report that contains information revealed about three-five years ago that doesn’t even remotely reach the same quality as other reports?  Please notify your donors immediately about your complete inability to produce anything of substance or we will.

In addition to offering evaluation services, the NCMSRR is also launching a series of pilot courses with the following titles:

1) Sometimes your best isn’t good enough and why should consider a career transition
2) How to make it look like you collected data when you did nothing of the sort
3) How to gloss over your methodology section like it never happened (Mostly because it really never happened and you didn’t collect any data)
4) How to get people to devalue your merit and intelligence in the pursuit of whatever’s left so you can get a job

To sign up for any of these classes, email sometimescareertransitionsarenecessary@gmail.com

For Muslim American organizations wishing to submit reports for review, we ask that you upload documents to our website http://www.filterforshit.com.

Questions or concerns?  Contact Harb Abu-Harb at theresnohopeformuslimresearchers@gmail.com