Earlier this week, the Muslim American Council for What the Hell is a Counternarrative (MACWHC), released a guide called, “Writing narratives to counter the narratives that have been countered.”  The group published this report in part, to dispel the myth that all Muslims are terrorists and basically everything else that Muslims are accused of being.

Abdul Malik Hosni Mohammed Ahmed, President of the MACWHC summarized the guide, saying that, “we hope this guide will help Muslims in our community come up with narratives that are inorganic in nature and simply respond to the persistent claims that we are all terrorists.  I can’t think of any better use of our time than to constantly engage in the countering of this narrative.  I also hope this guide will help Muslims learn the artful skill of exotifying their lives, that are otherwise, extremely and painfully boring.”

The guide provides specific instructions on how to create narratives, which including the following suggestions:
1) Counter everything, just do it.
2) Don’t be critical.  For example, don’t question the importance of serious issues such as Muslim Americans joining ISIS at a rate equivalent to .000000000025 of the population.
3) Use flowery language that makes even a trip to the bathroom sound exciting by virtue of you being Muslim
4) Learn the skill of countering the narrative that has been countered-this will allow both sell-outs and original proponents of the dominant narrative to be extremely confused.
5) Don’t ever challenge the dominant narrative, just counter it.  This will not only get government officials to love you, it will also ensure longevity in employment.
6) Only associate with like minded counternarrative creators.  This will ensure that you stick to the storyline and don’t deviate an inch away from the rehearsed line of bullshit that’s mandatory to include.

Ahmed, is also encouraging those in the business of countering the narratives that have been countered, to participate in the Islamophobia industry, so that they can continue making a career of countering negative narratives.  To that end he stated, “we need more Muslims involved in generating fear of our community and solidifying the notion that we should all be held collectively responsible. Without this work, organizations such as ours cannot continue to thrive.  And trust me, we’re not in it to win it, we’re in it to make a career.”

Ahmed concluded that, “I urge all Muslims to read this guide.  Whether you are committed to making our problems worse or pretending to work in a positive role that also makes our problems worse, this guide will help.  We are ultimately seeking to ensure that our community is able to provide an incoherent narrative that provides a constant balance of fear and suspicion. This is our niche work and our contribution to the capacity building of Muslim institutions.”

At the time of writing this article, Jabar Omar Qaddous Jibreel, Vice President of MACWHC, said he was busy writing a narrative to counter the narrative that has been countered.  He said, “I don’t really know what it means to write a narrative that counters the narrative that has been countered, but since the work of Muslim organizations sucks anyway, this piece of shit will fall through the cracks (though it might come out of the sewer).”

The guide can be accessed by visiting http://www.counternarrativesasaninstrumentofoppression.com.